I’ve noticed my last few posts where I’ve talked a bit on feminism and relationships and such, and these are sort of heavy topics. Let me have one final say about a subject in this field and I PROMISE I am done with this stuff and will happily go back to the world of film and video games.
When it comes to relationships I’ve noticed another fairly disturbing trend that I must speak on (one last time). I hate these women that run through life trying to “get a guy.” Who value themselves on the whole act of “being married.” That’s the wrong way to look at couple-dom. Women (and men) who seek companionship should be doing just this, seeking a COMPANION. It’s not about the “act” of fulfilling some archaic role in society as proactive breeders who pay joint taxes. It’s 2015. Seeking a companion should be about finding that one person that can make you smile in your darkest moments, someone who will hold your hand as you plunge into the scary abyss of old age. Someone who “gets” you in a way no one else can. And in order for this to happen, one should be FULLY themselves, and not seek to play some part in order to “snare” someone else, because that is a way to almost guarentee resentment and bitterness in the end. Notice how high our divorce rate is in this country?
Now, why am I bringing this up? Well, it’s in small part thinks to a pop star named Meghan Trainer. Or so I think. See, I don’t know much about her, and I should really do my research on her, but I am lazy in this way and in the end it really doesn’t matter if it’s Meghan or somebody else (it’s not personal). The point still stands.
Anyway, Meghan Trainer, as you probably know, is a pretty but very curvy pop singer who sings silly songs about loving your curves, which I’m all for. I’ve only heard a few of her songs, and they all have a bit of a retro flair (in both sound and video) and seem to be all about the same thing, “getting a man” or “knowing what men what (so you can get the men”. This is nothing new in the pop world. Meghan is obviously interested in the opposite sex. That’s perfectly fine. Unfortunately that seems to be ALL she’s interested in. And what’s more disturbing to me, or so from what I keep hearing, is that her message is also that women who aren’t Megan Fox, or have her waste size, should have to work harder to “get a man.” It’s all about that endgame and nothing else, apparently. Now, I haven’t looked up Meghan’s lyrics, I’m only going by what friends have said and discussions in the blog-sphere. So if this isn’t the case with Meghan then I apologize to her for being too lazy to do my research. The fact is though is that this is a popular attitude in the “undesirable” set (women who see their worth valued on a totally superficial chart created in men’s magazine and championed by worthless drecks like Stephanie Meyer). The attitude is that in order to “get a man” (not a “good” man, not a “kind” man, not a man with similar interests and a personality) “undesirable” females should play the role of Stepford Wives-in-training in order to ensnare a guy (preferably one that looks okay in a suit).
This is such a crappy attitude and dumb life goal for so many reasons. One, it objectifies guys as some sort of trophy. A prize to be won, like at a carnival. It tacks on superficial qualities onto men, making them seem like sexist, mindless dolts with a slight Oedipus complex. Two, it makes women seem like conniving and superficial ring whores. It also sends the message that a woman shouldn’t have too much personality, that “pretty girls” should just be vapid and dull (because men will flock to them anyway) and that “plain Jane’s” and heavy girls should just be focused on putting a man’s perceived interests and wants before their own (that 50’s housewife mentality) otherwise the man will “stray.” It’s such a gross and stupid mentality and demeans both sexes. It completely devalues the entire concept of life long companionship. Newsflash: looks fade and people get arthritis. What’s left when he has bushy nose hairs and she can’t hold a pot?
Again, I don’t know if this is Meghan’s message, but it’s definitely one I’m seeing in society. In the 30+ set there is an additional pressure of baby making, and quickly marrying a guy to pop out offspring. Again, it’s 2015. If someone wants a baby so bad, then just HAVE ONE. Don’t try to trick some guy into thinking this is what he wants. If the dreams of a suburban lawn and school buses is so important, then DO IT YOURSELF! The only other option is to wait it out, go on dates and hope you find a guy who not only wants a family (key word: wants) but who is compatible on a deep level. And yes, this is just as important as his sperm and that ring, because guess what happens after the kid grows up and moves out? And any problems in the relationship will be intensified GREATLY with all the stresses that come with being both newly married AND raising a kid. Again, note how high the divorce rate is.
A thing to remember about marriage is that it is, and will always be, a CONTRACT. Just a contract. A legally, binding contract. Marriage in itself isn’t a romantic gesture, the idea of a romantic union is a fairly new construct. Marriage used to be between a man and his wife or wives, and it served almost as a legal barter system. I will trade you 3 goats and 5 pigs for your fertile offspring. Arranged marriages were often the norm and I believe it wasn’t until the 1400s to the 1500s that the concept of marital “love” became a thing (and even then wasn’t really practiced). Modern romance itself didn’t come into play until much later, with the works of Jane Austen and such. In any event, marriage is just something the government uses to keep track of the movement of it’s citizens. It’s the idea of commitment to a fruitful life long companionship that can really make a marriage last (especially in modern times when divorce is not only an option but doesn’t face quite the social stigma it used to). Commitment can come easily if the companion is someone that one genuinely enjoys spending time with, cares deeply about them, and finds them dependable and trustworthy. “Love” shouldn’t be confused with lust. Too often “true love” is gauged on attraction and the idea of financial security (and the fear of loneliness). It’s become too much about needing someone else to validate a person’s self worth and providing for their future (why else do you think Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey became so popular?). Companionship, true couple-dom, should be an equal partnership filled with honesty. There should be no smoke and mirrors, no desperation, no pandering.
The problem has become that too many women are valuing their self worth on wearing a stupid, overpriced ring. It’s all about how much he spent on it, how big it is, showing it off, flashing it on Facebook. See! See how desirable I am! I’m attached! I have value! Look how marriage is depicted in movies and novels. Women throw parties so their friends can buy them gifts and oogle over the ring and dress. The wedding is all about HER, it’s the BRIDES day, not a celebration of two people who have made a life long commitment to be there for each other, nope, it’s all about the WOMAN having value now and making it HER day to show off HER dress, which has to be the fanciest, with a reception that has to be the FLASHIEST! Meanwhile the night before the man is celebrating his “last night of freedom,” when shouldn’t it be a celebration instead? Is it no wonder than that the couple later feels resentment toward each other! They are going into their union in the worst way!
Sorry, I’ve gone off on a slightly different tangant. Allow me to summarize my thoughts:
It’s not about the ring, ladies, it’s about the companion.
If a guy (or girl) only wants you based on the most superficial qualities (your waist or how good you cook their eggs in the morning), they aren’t worth having. Better single and happy than “stuck” (and likely abandoned later).
Regardless of a woman’s appearance, she shouldn’t stoop to becoming some semblance of a Fembot. Having confidence and a sense of humor can go a long way. Don’t give up your personality to trick some guy into being your boyfriend. It’s an exhausting charade that will basically implode on you.
Men, be very wary of women that want to show you off and place too much emphasis on the material. If after an engagement a woman shows Bridezilla qualities, run for the hills! She places more value on that ring than you.
And that’s all I have to say.