I’ve noticed my last few posts where I’ve talked a bit on feminism and relationships and such, and these are sort of heavy topics. Let me have one final say about a subject in this field and I PROMISE I am done with this stuff and will happily go back to the world of film and video games.
When it comes to relationships I’ve noticed another fairly disturbing trend that I must speak on (one last time). I hate these women that run through life trying to “get a guy.” Who value themselves on the whole act of “being married.” That’s the wrong way to look at couple-dom. Women (and men) who seek companionship should be doing just this, seeking a COMPANION. It’s not about the “act” of fulfilling some archaic role in society as proactive breeders who pay joint taxes. It’s 2015. Seeking a companion should be about finding that one person that can make you smile in your darkest moments, someone who will hold your hand as you plunge into the scary abyss of old age. Someone who “gets” you in a way no one else can. And in order for this to happen, one should be FULLY themselves, and not seek to play some part in order to “snare” someone else, because that is a way to almost guarentee resentment and bitterness in the end. Notice how high our divorce rate is in this country?
Now, why am I bringing this up? Well, it’s in small part thinks to a pop star named Meghan Trainer. Or so I think. See, I don’t know much about her, and I should really do my research on her, but I am lazy in this way and in the end it really doesn’t matter if it’s Meghan or somebody else (it’s not personal). The point still stands.
Anyway, Meghan Trainer, as you probably know, is a pretty but very curvy pop singer who sings silly songs about loving your curves, which I’m all for. I’ve only heard a few of her songs, and they all have a bit of a retro flair (in both sound and video) and seem to be all about the same thing, “getting a man” or “knowing what men what (so you can get the men”. This is nothing new in the pop world. Meghan is obviously interested in the opposite sex. That’s perfectly fine. Unfortunately that seems to be ALL she’s interested in. And what’s more disturbing to me, or so from what I keep hearing, is that her message is also that women who aren’t Megan Fox, or have her waste size, should have to work harder to “get a man.” It’s all about that endgame and nothing else, apparently. Now, I haven’t looked up Meghan’s lyrics, I’m only going by what friends have said and discussions in the blog-sphere. So if this isn’t the case with Meghan then I apologize to her for being too lazy to do my research. The fact is though is that this is a popular attitude in the “undesirable” set (women who see their worth valued on a totally superficial chart created in men’s magazine and championed by worthless drecks like Stephanie Meyer). The attitude is that in order to “get a man” (not a “good” man, not a “kind” man, not a man with similar interests and a personality) “undesirable” females should play the role of Stepford Wives-in-training in order to ensnare a guy (preferably one that looks okay in a suit).
This is such a crappy attitude and dumb life goal for so many reasons. One, it objectifies guys as some sort of trophy. A prize to be won, like at a carnival. It tacks on superficial qualities onto men, making them seem like sexist, mindless dolts with a slight Oedipus complex. Two, it makes women seem like conniving and superficial ring whores. It also sends the message that a woman shouldn’t have too much personality, that “pretty girls” should just be vapid and dull (because men will flock to them anyway) and that “plain Jane’s” and heavy girls should just be focused on putting a man’s perceived interests and wants before their own (that 50’s housewife mentality) otherwise the man will “stray.” It’s such a gross and stupid mentality and demeans both sexes. It completely devalues the entire concept of life long companionship. Newsflash: looks fade and people get arthritis. What’s left when he has bushy nose hairs and she can’t hold a pot?
Again, I don’t know if this is Meghan’s message, but it’s definitely one I’m seeing in society. In the 30+ set there is an additional pressure of baby making, and quickly marrying a guy to pop out offspring. Again, it’s 2015. If someone wants a baby so bad, then just HAVE ONE. Don’t try to trick some guy into thinking this is what he wants. If the dreams of a suburban lawn and school buses is so important, then DO IT YOURSELF! The only other option is to wait it out, go on dates and hope you find a guy who not only wants a family (key word: wants) but who is compatible on a deep level. And yes, this is just as important as his sperm and that ring, because guess what happens after the kid grows up and moves out? And any problems in the relationship will be intensified GREATLY with all the stresses that come with being both newly married AND raising a kid. Again, note how high the divorce rate is.
A thing to remember about marriage is that it is, and will always be, a CONTRACT. Just a contract. A legally, binding contract. Marriage in itself isn’t a romantic gesture, the idea of a romantic union is a fairly new construct. Marriage used to be between a man and his wife or wives, and it served almost as a legal barter system. I will trade you 3 goats and 5 pigs for your fertile offspring. Arranged marriages were often the norm and I believe it wasn’t until the 1400s to the 1500s that the concept of marital “love” became a thing (and even then wasn’t really practiced). Modern romance itself didn’t come into play until much later, with the works of Jane Austen and such. In any event, marriage is just something the government uses to keep track of the movement of it’s citizens. It’s the idea of commitment to a fruitful life long companionship that can really make a marriage last (especially in modern times when divorce is not only an option but doesn’t face quite the social stigma it used to). Commitment can come easily if the companion is someone that one genuinely enjoys spending time with, cares deeply about them, and finds them dependable and trustworthy. “Love” shouldn’t be confused with lust. Too often “true love” is gauged on attraction and the idea of financial security (and the fear of loneliness). It’s become too much about needing someone else to validate a person’s self worth and providing for their future (why else do you think Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey became so popular?). Companionship, true couple-dom, should be an equal partnership filled with honesty. There should be no smoke and mirrors, no desperation, no pandering.
The problem has become that too many women are valuing their self worth on wearing a stupid, overpriced ring. It’s all about how much he spent on it, how big it is, showing it off, flashing it on Facebook. See! See how desirable I am! I’m attached! I have value! Look how marriage is depicted in movies and novels. Women throw parties so their friends can buy them gifts and oogle over the ring and dress. The wedding is all about HER, it’s the BRIDES day, not a celebration of two people who have made a life long commitment to be there for each other, nope, it’s all about the WOMAN having value now and making it HER day to show off HER dress, which has to be the fanciest, with a reception that has to be the FLASHIEST! Meanwhile the night before the man is celebrating his “last night of freedom,” when shouldn’t it be a celebration instead? Is it no wonder than that the couple later feels resentment toward each other! They are going into their union in the worst way!
Sorry, I’ve gone off on a slightly different tangant. Allow me to summarize my thoughts:
It’s not about the ring, ladies, it’s about the companion.
If a guy (or girl) only wants you based on the most superficial qualities (your waist or how good you cook their eggs in the morning), they aren’t worth having. Better single and happy than “stuck” (and likely abandoned later).
Regardless of a woman’s appearance, she shouldn’t stoop to becoming some semblance of a Fembot. Having confidence and a sense of humor can go a long way. Don’t give up your personality to trick some guy into being your boyfriend. It’s an exhausting charade that will basically implode on you.
Men, be very wary of women that want to show you off and place too much emphasis on the material. If after an engagement a woman shows Bridezilla qualities, run for the hills! She places more value on that ring than you.
So a while back George R. R. Martin gave a sort of condescending statement in regards to the misogynistic nature of his hit series, Game of Thrones. Now, I have several friends that have tried to get me to watch the television series and read the books, but I’ve never been too interested due to the exploitative nature of television show (and I hear the books don’t fall too far from the tree in that sense). But based on his statement, I now officially have no desire to.
Here’s what he said, “The books reflect a patriarchal society based on the Middle Ages. The Middle Ages were not a time of sexual egalitarianism. It was very classist, dividing people into three classes. And they had strong ideas about the roles of women. One of the charges against Joan of Arc that got her burned at the stake was that she wore men’s clothing—that was not a small thing. There were, of course, some strong and competent women. It still doesn’t change the nature of the society. And if you look at the books, my heroes and viewpoint characters are all misfits. They’re outliers. They don’t fit the roles society has for them. They’re ‘cripples, bastards, and broken things’—a dwarf, a fat guy who can’t fight, a bastard, and women who don’t fit comfortably into the roles society has for them (though there are also those who do—like Sansa and Catelyn).
“Now there are people who will say to that, ‘Well, he’s not writing history, he’s writing fantasy—he put in dragons, he should have made an egalitarian society.’ Just because you put in dragons doesn’t mean you can put in anything you want. If pigs could fly, then that’s your book. But that doesn’t mean you also want people walking on their hands instead of their feet. If you’re going to do [a fantasy element], it’s best to only do one of them, or a few. I wanted my books to be strongly grounded in history and to show what medieval society was like, and I was also reacting to a lot of fantasy fiction. Most stories depict what I call the ‘Disneyland Middle Ages’—there are princes and princesses and knights in shining armor, but they didn’t want to show what those societies meant and how they functioned…
I’m writing about war, which what almost all epic fantasy is about. But if you’re going to write about war, and you just want to include all the cool battles and heroes killing a lot of orcs and things like that and you don’t portray [sexual violence], then there’s something fundamentally dishonest about that. **, unfortunately, is still a part of war today. It’s not a strong testament to the human race, but I don’t think we should pretend it doesn’t exist.”
Give me a freaking break George. J. R. R. Tolkien took from history (and folklore) too, particularly wartime history (he actually served). He created languages and has a lasting legacy to this day by basically inventing (or re-inventing) fantasy story telling. Guess what his classic, critically acclaimed series didn’t have? Same as C. S. Lewis. So did a million other fantasy writers. Take some freaking responsibility. No one is holding a gun to your head and making you write that bullsh*t. All that graphic brutality (both male and female) and blatent sexism is because YOU want it in there. I can’t help if your readers are mindless sheep (composed of twelve-year-old fan boys). I can’t help it if they need the “hard-core” graphically depicted scenes to get off on (and don’t we just love their equally offensive arguments to try to justify it all – thanks for proving our points, *ssh*les). At the end of the day it’s all unnecessary detail.
Georgie, it’s insulting how much you try to rip off Tolkien (even in your name) and then shade his work at the same time. But you will never be Tolkien. He didn’t use, nor need, mindless graphical and sexual exploitation to get cheap thrills because he didn’t want to detract from character development and instead wanted to focus on the damn plot. Yes, sometimes atrocities happened in war-time history. But it doesn’t need to be explained to the audience in such over-the-top detail (here’s a hint: every woman in the world knows how horrific being raped is, we don’t need it depicted for us step-by-step). This isn’t about making things “cartoony” either but rather cutting out the unnecessary BS to get to the story. Tolkien didn’t go into detail in his books, not to “Disney-ize” his story for the kiddies, but because such graphic details did nothing to further the plot or build his characters. Anyone that says that such things are necessary need to get their heads checked. Tolkien WAS able to discuss sexism and discrimination, and depict the hardships of war, WITHOUT BEING EXPLOITIVE (look up that word, Georgie). His Middle Earth series was so rich and full, with interesting (and well thought-out) back-stories and even its OWN mythology. Your bullsh*t? Graphic novel paint-by-numbers BS with nudity. Sorry, but after a few episodes I have yet to see one character or event that doesn’t feel like some tired, hollow, worn-out cliché.
As brilliant as he was, H. P. Lovecraft was a bitter narcissistic racist. And he OWNED it. Just saying.
I am so sick, SO SICK, of seeing all these articles depicting Barbie Dolls as products of the anti-christ. If you are a sad sack that blames all your failings on a damn doll you need more therapy then you realize, because that’s some deep-rooted mental issues you’ve got going on there. Barbie is a hunk of plastic that was modeled after dress-maker dummies and was meant to be a grown-up fashion doll. Her early proportions featured thick thighs, thick butt, and big boobs; not exactly waif-like material there.
Now, does Barbie show girls (and guys) they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up? Not really, again she’s just a hunk of molded plastic, not a teaching tool. However, she can (and often does)serve as a reflection of the child playing with her. What does the child do with her? How does the child make the doll behave or dress?
I’m a feminist. I have a great many feminist friends. We all remember very fondly the hours we spent playing with our Barbies. We took her on some great adventures. We practiced our first kiss/date with our Ken and Barbie dolls. We played with her in sunshine, snow, and when we were sick. She was a vehicle for our wildest imaginations. And as a feminist, I can’t tell you how delighted we are to walk down toy aisles and see this doll (in different races and looks – including freckles and moles) wearing lab coats (doctor and veterinarian Barbie), helmets (astronaut and race car driver Barbie), and guitars (bold and sassy musician Barbie). These are popular dolls because that’s what the little girls (and guys) of our society want to buy. Think about that.
Stop blaming your inadequacies on a hunk of plastic!
Because I am still bitter as f*** about Silent Hills and ticked off that these little pre-teen troll snots only have to wait a few months for yet another installment of their favorite franchise, I am creating this post because I am that kind of person. Since this is a rant, there will be bad grammar/writing, “cursing”, rambling, and a misspelling or two (four, five, whatever).
Proceed at your own risk, because I am going to purge my demons in what may be my most lengthy post ever.
FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S FRANCHISE FLAWS AND PLOT HOLES
The technology is way too sophisticated for the time period.
This is a big one and the most obvious. Fans always try to brush this off, but come on. According to the retconned ending of the prequel-sequel, Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 took place in 1987. I didn’t have to be alive in the 80’s to know that there were no free-standing (let alone “roaming”) animatronics, especially ones with facial recognition hooked up to criminal databases. Hell, Foxy can RUN great distances without collapsing into a heaping mess of parts and wires! Seriously? Disney didn’t even have that sh**! And this was a LOCAL pizza chain.
Actually, according to the Phone Guy’s messages, the original Freddy Fazbear was taken from an OLDER local restaurant, a supposedly much smaller, non-chain (meaning just one location), that was already equipped with similar technology (minus the facial recognition). Were the original owners mad scientists? Royalty? Aliens? Did they find the Heart of the Ocean? Again, even Disney didn’t have access to that type of technology (I don’t think they do even now)!
Let’s look at how advanced Springtrap was:
“For ease of operation, the animatronics are set to turn and walk towards sounds they hear which is an easy and hands-free approach to making sure the animatronics stay where the children are for maximum entertainment/crowd-pleasing value.”
Then, as if Scott realized this was too tech heavy, we have this:
“To change the animatronics to suit mode, insert and turn firmly the hand crank provided by the manufacturer. Turning the crank will recoil and compress the animatronic parts around the sides of the suit, providing room to climb inside.”
I guess all the wires and junk just disappeared. I blame the magic of the gnomes!
Let’s also look at this tid bit from the wiki about Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (remember, this is the prequel that takes place in ’87):
“…that old restaurant was kind of left to rot for quite a while, but I want to reassure you, Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all, safety. They’ve spent a small fortune on these new animatronics, uh, facial recognition, advanced mobility, they even let them walk around during the day. Isn’t that neat? – clears throat – But most importantly, they’re all tied into some kind of criminal database, so they can detect a predator a mile away.”
The wiki clarifies this further:
“Five Nights at Freddy’s takes place in an unknown year within the week of November 8th to November 13th, according to Mike Schmidt’s paycheck. The likely possibility is that the game takes place in the 1990’s, due to the minimum wage being around $4-5 an hour (when taking taxes into account) during that period.
… Many theorize that the game takes place around 1993. Were this the case, it would mean that Fredbear’s Family Diner, the original establishment and predecessor of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, opened up around 1973 as Phone Guy states: “If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath?,” which indicates that the restaurant is at least twenty years old.”
Twenty years old from 1993???
That means the original family restaurant (again, not a chain nor franchise) existed at least before 1973!! This means that BY 1973, there was at least one FREE STANDING, MOBILE animatronic that could “sense” when a person was around (remember, this is the whole plot of the first game). However, you will note that Phone Guy is talking about the four primary animatronics. The entire quote goes “Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too.” Which means either Fazbear’s Family Diner either had FOUR of these technological abominations running around, or Fazbear’s Entertainment did…BEFORE the events of FNAF2, having them long enough to ROT before the events of the game. This means, sometime between 1973 and 1987 (14 years) there were four animatronics left to rot. Were the other three (Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy) built by Fazbear Family Diner as well? And again, how does such a highly advanced piece of, what is at that point, “science fiction” tech not able to tell the difference between an animatronic (without a suit) and a person, when they apparently have no problem doing this during the daytime and when they can distinguish each other from the customers?
And how long did Fazbear’s Family Diner exist? We have a 14 year lapse of time between what we are to assume to be the creation of Freddy (at least) and the events of the prequel. The restaurant seen in FNAF2 is one of many locations, and hasn’t been opened for very long, so was the franchise still new, or had it existed for say, ten years? And how were they able to buy out a “family diner” that had at least one (presumably four by the dialogue of the second game) tech marvels that should have put the “family diner” on the map? And we are assumed that the “left to rot” bit meant that the Fazbear Family Diner was in some sort of financial ruin, that they couldn’t afford maintenance on the animatronics or the diner. Again this makes no sense.
Here’s the quote again, “…that old restaurant was kind of left to rot for quite a while, but I want to reassure you, Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all, safety.” Are they talking about a Fazbear Entertainment restaurant or Family Diner? It would make zero sense for a successful local chain to have a location go to rot, and since the primary four came from the location mentioned, we are led to assume that Phone Guy is talking about Fazbear’s Family Diner. If he was talking about Fazbear’s Family Diner, the Franchise could NOT have been open long, because why else would the guard on deck get it confused with a previous institution (and different franchise)?
The more I think of it the worse my head hurts. It would make more sense if FNAF2 was a sequel-sequel, like it was insinuated to be in advertisements, but this is what happens when you try to retcon a twist ending. Logic usually fails.
Also, November doesn’t qualify as a “summer” month. Because “summer” refers to a season, not the weather. And thin LED laptops that hooked up to security monitors didn’t exist in the early 90’s either.
Missing locations are missing. And cameras angles are impractical.
Every restaurant chain (which we are to believe that Freddy’s was a popular local chain) has a manager’s office. Every. Single. One. Why? Because not only is it a place for management to do paperwork, answer phone calls, etc., but it’s also a place where employee’s are hired, disciplined, promoted, etc. A company that was rich enough to afford such highly advanced technology for a kid’s pizzeria would have at least one manager on duty. So where’s his office? And why is there no camera there? There is a camera everywhere else, including the damn supply closet. There is even a broken camera in the kitchen. So why is there no manager’s office in both of the two locations we see?
And while I can easily explain away inside security cameras as a method of child safety, as well as a means to keep and eye on the expensive animatronics and employees, but I must ask the glaringly obvious question: why are there no views of the doors to the outside (entrance) or on the registers? The FIRST place a camera should be!
Speaking of registers, where did people pay for their food in the location of FNAF1? We can assume people paid at the prize corner found in the location at FNAF2, but where in the first game?
Not to mention for a successful pizza franchise, there are only kitchens in select locations apparently. There’s certainly no kitchen to be seen in FNAF2. That’s kind of essential for making food. But I guess Fazbear’s Entertainment didn’t find it important enough.
And where are the fire exits?!!
The Springtrap suits are totally illogical as a plot device.
From the wiki, “…the mechanical parts inside of Springtrap were designed to be tightly compressed against the outside of the suit, using spring locks to hold them in place, allowing someone to enter and wear the suit. However, anyone in the suit would need to be very cautious, because, in the event that the spring locks malfunctioned, all the compressed animatronic parts would quickly shift back into place, severely injuring (and likely killing) whoever was inside the suit.”
Keep in mind the company that built fully automated, free walking, running, crawling animatronics with facial recognition during the Reagan era couldn’t figure out how to get this piece of technology to work properly.
Moving on…
“Springtrap’s spring mechanisms were faulty to the point that breathing on them lubricated them and made them malfunction, thus making it extremely dangerous to wear and leading to Springtrap being put away in an emergency/storage room in which all customers and most employees are not allowed to enter. The entrances to the rooms mentioned above were later covered up with pseudo walls and hidden from all camera views and maps, thus making these rooms nonexistent to unsuspecting customers and employees.”
Look, I know that Fazbear Entertainment was the Wal-Mart of kiddie restaurant chains, but give me a break! Besides all the cover-ups involved in the deaths/disappearances of children, guards, and employee mascots, how were these incredibly impractical suits even transported or assembled? A person couldn’t even get into these things without breathing on them, let alone sneak into them in a moment of panic without being pulverized! Think about it! The whole concept is absolutely absurd because the truth is this suits wouldn’t even have made it past the manufacturing phase!
Secret Room is in the wrong place.
Riddle me this, Batman! If the Purple Man (killer) is “killed” in the secret room, why is the secret room located in the third location (FNAF1), when the springtrap suits were dismantled during the era of the prequel or before? Remember, Purple guy knew of the suits (and was strongly hinted to be the previous security guard in the prequel-sequel). The map seen in the mini-games clearly shows the third restaurant, not the second. So why would the company build a secret room in the later location if they had disregarded the previous technology completely in the 80’s? They also would have been more likely to destroy the suits or store them somewhere else, rather than build a hidden room in a newer, lower budgeted locale just to store these stupid, impractical things that nobody could wear.
From the wiki:
“While the events of Five Nights at Freddy’s 3 is the first in the series to not take place in Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, the establishment from the first game is referenced in the form of the Minigames that are played after surviving a night in Fazbear’s Fright.
During the minigames, Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza is shown in a state of intense decay and disrepair. Rats are seen scurrying across the floor, the ceiling is leaking, and oil stains and other assorted garbage is strewn about. It is revealed on the map and through Phone Guy’s recordings that there is a secret safe room for employees that doesn’t appear on the security map or cameras, is inaccessible to customers, and is completely invisible to any of the animatronics, as shown by the error caused by trying to enter it during the minigame. However, due to budget restrictions, the safe rooms in all locations are locked up and sealed over with a false wall.”
Keep in mind, the location in the first game was only opened up AFTER the temporary closure of the franchise in the second game (including sister locations), in which the special suit (or the Golden Freddy suit) was used to lure the kiddies.
Also, if we are to believe that Purple Guy was a security guard (at least night shift), he was given knowledge about the secret rooms, despite them not being visible. Even if he was not the security guard, he still had to know somehow during the events of ’87.
From Night 3 in FNAF3:
” Every location is built with one extra room that is not included in the digital map layout programmed in the animatronics or the security cameras. This room is hidden to customers, invisible to animatronics, and is always off camera.”
From Night 5 in FNAF3:
“….The safe room is reserved for equipment and/or other property not being currently used and is in fact a safety location for employees only. This is not a break room, and should not be considered a place for employees to hide and/or congregate – and under no circumstance should a customer ever be taken into this room and out of the main show area. Management has also been made aware that the spring Bonnie animatronic has been noticeably removed. We would like to remind employees that this costume is not safe to wear under any circumstances….”
Here it is implied that Purple Man/Killer hid here, took children here, and stole the Springtrap costume (Spring Bonnie). It is likely he wore it which means he knew how to wear it. So either he was an employee trained (and likely promoted to security) or as security was able to access training tapes.
Continued from the wiki:
“The minigames suggest that this safe room was where the five children were murdered. They also imply that this safe room was the final resting place of Purple Guy after bleeding to death in the Springtrap animatronic-costume hybrid while trying to escape the vengeful spirits of the children. As nothing was removed from the safe rooms before the false wall was built, it is very likely that his corpse laid there until it was found by the people at Fazbear’s Fright.”
If the children were murdered in the safe room, and they were murdered by an employee from the second game who worked at that location, then the logical deduction would be that the children were murdered in that location’s safe room. Or are we supposed to buy that the employee transported them to another location without being missed in costume (a very dangerous costume that could easily malfunction at any moment)?
The only way this could work was that he transported the kids to the location in the first game (which would have to have been open as a sister location despite serious downgrading while the franchise was hot). This is easily done, he just has to sneak out of a huge, heavily populated building (FNAF2) location in full costume, into a crowded parking lot, into his van (good luck doing this in a Springtrap suit), drive to the other location (FNAF1) sneak from that parking lot with the kid(s), and enter the secret room (that must not be seen by customers) located right next to the main entrance! Then he stuffs them in suits, likely getting very bloody, for which I hope he took off that Springtrap suit! All that wetness, struggling, and heavy breathing can cause some serious lock up! Now he can just leave the suit, likely bloody (because who would notice that?). However, should he take the suit off before the murder, he himself would be quite bloody. He could put the suit back on, but then he would again have to sneak through a bunch of people (good luck explaining that to management and security) back out of the building and to the previous location. Since one of the Springtrap suits is missing, we can assume that the suit was hidden, so it’s unlikely he returned with the suit. In any event, he has to explain his absence, and leaving/exiting the building in a suit as well as revealing a hidden location to the customers. Yeah, that’s plausible.
That’s some serious twisting to make this one work.
Building layouts in FNAF1 and 2 makes no sense.
According to the maps of the first two games, rooms are situated so there is no spot for an entrance or emergency exit. Nor or room proportions shown accurately. But this is a minor detail that can be explained in terms of practicality. What I’m really concerned about is the layout of the security offices.
In the office shown in the first game, we have some old-looking security monitors huddled up against the front wall of the office on a desk. Fine. But why is the security guard seated (or standing) so far from the desk? And why are there two heavy, bay type doors at both entrances? Am I supposed to believe that having those impractical doorways is much cheaper than two thin wooden doors? If the restaurant has an energy problem, why on earth would they build these?
As for the office shown in the second game, is the office meant to be part of the attraction? This could make sense. All the customers can fully see the security guard at his desk. While this might instill a feeling of safety in the parents, it’s still kind of unnerving because it is a reminder of possible kidnappings and such in a place meant to provide a fun escape. There’s a reason security stations are sort of hidden. But I could give this one a pass. However, there should still be a door, lest some criminal or kid get into the security office and steal or start messing with the equipment. And what’s with all those open, people sized vents everywhere. That’s not only a huge security risk, but a large potential lawsuit right there. And why is the security staff only given just one inefficiently powered flashlight to hold off the animatronics? Why not a large spotlight or bright hallway lights? Why not a door? Keep in mind during the events of the second game, the Franchise has spent big, BIG bucks on the refurbishment of this building.
How do the animatronics distinguish between adult and kids? Why can’t the older models tell the difference between a suit and a person? What good is facial technology if a lot of pedophiles/kidnappers aren’t in the system?
Seriously. This bugs the hell out of me. These things are supposed to be almost sentient, able to walk around (freely), interact with customers, know when to sing and perform together, etc. We don’t see any levers or buttons on them, but supposedly they can be turned off and on, as well as have a “free roam” mode, as evidence by Phone Guy’s phone messages in the first and second games. Also there are modes unlockable in the first two games that indicate that they have advanced activity level settings. Foxy can even run.
Let’s divide the old and the new.
For the four primaries, they can “free roam”, walk on their own, play instruments, and trigger vocal recordings (play music, laugh, etc). This isn’t a supernatural occurence because these are known to happen during the day (that’s how they entertain the kids). We have to assume that these creatures that can walk would also have some sort of motion sensor so they don’t bump into tables or trample children. It is indicated that they can “see”, but for some reason or program to think that a person in the after hours is a hunk of moving metal without a suit, which is also filled with metal. This technology makes no sense.
And speaking of suits, if the suits themselves contain so much metal that it was kill a person forcefully stuffed inside, how do these big, clunky pieces of metal (endoskeleton) get “shoved” inside without damage to both the skeleton and suit? In order to maintain both, the suits would have to be taken apart and fitted over the endoskeleton piece by piece (like we see in the storage room). However these animatronics are programmed to “stuff” a bare endoskeleton into a suit, thus destroying this expensive piece of technology (and the suit). Keep in mind the suits are made out of fabric, they will shred (like we see with Foxy), and the endoskeletons have delicate wires and plugs exposed.
And then we have the new guys. The cute and plastic toys that are considered vastly more advanced because of the facial recognition software. That’s fine and dandy, but why are they coming for the security guard the first night? Also what happens if they spot a predator? Are they like attack dogs? No, in fact we are told they just stare. They don’t send out an alert, they don’t attack, they just glare. The Jeremy Fitzgerald is the only one they come for, and that’s before they are implied to be tampered with.
And according to one recorded message, they start behaving quite hostility toward the adults. Now at what point do the animatronics distinguish children from the adults? Is it after they hit puberty that they are classified as adults? When they start growing facial hair? I’ve seen some nineteen and twenty year olds that could pass for fourteen and fifteen. I’ve seen seventeen year old boys look five years older. Are they like Gremlins? If a nineteen year old turns twenty at exactly 4:30 p.m., do the animatronics suddenly get aggressive? How are these machines sophisticated enough to tell the difference?
Wait, apparently they’re not:
“Uh, now that being said, no new system’s without its… kinks. Uh… you’re only the second guard to work at that location. Uh, the first guy finished his week, but complained about… conditions. Uh, we switched him over to the day shift, so hey, lucky you, right? Uh mainly he expressed concern that certain characters seemed to move around at night, and even attempted to get into his office. Now, from what we know, that should be impossible. Uh, that restaurant should be the safest place on earth. So while our engineers don’t really have an explanation for this, the working theory is that… the robots were never given a proper “night mode”. So when it gets quiet, they think they’re in the wrong room, so then they go try to find where the people are, and in this case, that’s your office.So our temporary solution is this: there’s a music box over by the Prize Counter, and it’s rigged to be wound up remotely. So just, every once in a while, switch over to the Prize Counter video feed and wind it up for a few seconds. It doesn’t seem to affect all of the animatronics, but it does affect… one of them.-clears throat Uh, and as for the rest of them, we have an even easier solution. You see, there may be a minor glitch in the system, something about robots seeing you as an endoskeleton without his costume on, and wanting to stuff you in a suit, so hey, we’ve given you an empty Freddy Fazbear head, problem solved! You can put it on anytime, and leave it on for as long as you want. Eventually anything that wandered in, will wander back out.”
So the problems of the less advanced suits are carried onto the new ones. But if there is no “night mode” given to the animatronics (which means they are constantly in day mode) why don’t they think the people they see during the day are bare endoskeletons??
How can you tell the difference from this
…and this…
…but not this?
Also, your supervisor/trainer/manager Phone Guy has this tidbit of wisdom to share:
” Those older models would always get disoriented with bright lights. It would cause a system restart, or something. Uh, come to think of it, you might want to try that on any room where something undesirable might be. It might hold them in place for a few seconds. (That glitch?) might be in some of the newer models too.” Seriously? How do they handle being on stage and near arcade machines?
And here’s an idea: why doesn’t management just turn them off? Oh, that’s right, “…Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long.” Yep. Total sense.
Whoops, Scott.
Let’s talk about Mangle.
Fazbear’s Entertainment is apparently impervious to lawsuits. Absolutely impervious! So let’s get this straight: despite Foxy being a popular kids attraction, he was deemed too ugly, dismantled, and replaced by the cuter ultra femme Mangle. Okay. Except Mangle was so faulty made (more-so I guess than both the OLDER and newer animatronics) that small children could take him apart. Despite the fact that it’s indicated that this location has only been opened a little over a WEEK, that was plenty of time for Mangle to be routinely dismantled to the point that the staff said “F**k it!” and LEFT HIM IN HIS CURRENT STATE for the kiddies to re-build as part of an attraction. You know, because parents routinely like children’s play things to have wires, hard/sharp edges, and small parts exposed.
Because doesn’t that look like something TODDLERS would want to play with?
“Did…uh… Did Foxy ever appear in the hallway? Probably not. I was just curious. Like I said, he was always my favorite. They tried to remake Foxy, ya know? Uh, they thought the first one was too scary, so they redesigned him to be more kid-friendly and put him in Kid’s Cove. To keep the toddlers entertained, you know… But kids these days just can’t keep their hands to themselves. The staff literally has to put Foxy back together after every shift. So eventually they stopped trying and left him as some ‘take apart and put back together’ attraction. Now he’s just a mess of parts. I think the employees refer to him as just “The Mangle.” Uh…”
Yep parents! Totally safe and child friendly!!
Allow me to quote the great Cinema Snob,
Oh, and this mutha can climb on the ceiling! Because, you know Foxy can run, the Toys can crawl, why not?!
The storyline reeks of Lucasian bull****.
Let me just break down this storyline that has been constructed by Scott in an obvious attempt to placate his simpering fan boys (I love you Scott but it’s getting ridiculous). But allow me to break it down to you in the way it was introduced to the fans.
In FNAF1, Freddy Fazbear Entertainment is a morally (and likely) bankrupt company that owns a local, once popular pizzeria which boasts three (really four) singing, free walking animatronics that are meant to entertain children. It’s just like Chuck E. Cheese, only despite having cuter, way more advance creations, it is not a national brand but just a local restaurant that has run into such money troubles that it can’t afford to maintain one of its primary attractions (Foxy) or resolve minor energy disputes, despite the fact it could easily sell one of these models to a theme park and make beaucoup bucks (but it can afford futuristic laptops apparently).
They have been recently having problems due to a history (revealed in easter eggs) of missing kids and animatronics attacking children (implied to be Foxy, due to his decommissioned attraction). They’ve also been having problems with their animatronics oozing blood and mucus on the costumers (no law enforcement interference here – I guess they were bribed). Then there is also the unfortunate problem of keeping security guards alive or employed, yet we must assume all are dead since this shady company OPENLY REVEALS to new employees that they will hide the body and file a misleading missing persons report (recording on audio tape that they routinely break many federal offenses – how did this company survived this long?).
During the protagonist (Mike Schmidt’s) stay as the security guard (one week) he hears the murder of another employee (phone guy) who is likely a member of management (how did that get covered up?) and is later fired from the job (probably for fixing the animatronics) instead of being promoted. The franchise is faced with closure the next day.
This also begs the question, did Mike sign a non-disclosure agreement?
Now let’s move onto the second game. Welcome back! Only to a much grander, nicer location! Tons of fun new characters as well as the old. Except despite the more advanced tech monstrosities lurking in the vents and hallways this game is set in the past! At least ten years in the past! In the 80’s! Because that makes so much sense!
And remember all that stuff that was revealed in the easter eggs that you were led to believe had happened during the time frame of the first game and in the old location? That was all lies! It happened here instead! In one week to be exact! Because Scott is totally not trying to pull a Shyamalan on the players! Not at all! It just makes way more sense!
Remember back in the first game where it mentioned the Bite of ’87, and you were led to believe it was Foxy who did it, which is why he has been left to rot for so long and the place was left to go all shady? That actually happened THIS WEEK! Which means when Foxy was originally left to rot ages ago, he was decommissioned because he wasn’t cute enough for the 80’s audience (and replaced by Mangle) then REBUILT for the downgrade only to be left to rot AGAIN in the new location! LOGIC!!
Why in the downgrade did they go back to the older animatronics? Because it is heavily implied it was the new animatronics that caused the Bite of ’87. So the older ones are considered safer, despite having almost the exact same technology! And likely being easier to maintain.
Also the kiddies went missing during this time frame. So you had a MAJOR investigation going, an arrest, lockdown, AND the Bite of ’87 all occurring in the same week (roughly within a few days). Yet somehow after a minor snafu in public relations and a trial that we aren’t told the outcome of, this company not only survived, but vastly downgraded and survived another (at least) ten years!
Now keep in mind how many security guards the company must have had to go through since the late 80’s, it must be astronomical, since many don’t survive the second night! Oh wait no, Phone Guy said at the end of the prequel and the beginning of the first game that he took over the night shift. Okay fine, but at some point he left that position and the company felt the need to add a disclaimer about hiding bodies. Not mention that not many guards (according to Phone Guy) last before the third night. Which means this happened quite a bit. I’m not going to try to calculate all the money lost to bribing people and transporting the bodies. Is this franchise located in Gotham? That would certainly explain the lack of lawsuits!
Now let’s move onto the third game. Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzaria is done. Finito! Yet someone (probably a former CEO) decided to start a tasteless horror attraction surrounding the murders of dead children and missing/mutilated employees because there are no such things as lawsuits in this world. In true Fazbear fashion the place looks cheap and gaudy and the camera’s are damn near useless. But hey, at least we now have FIRE EXITS! Baby steps guys!
The surfer dude that runs the place (no doubt a descendent of the infamous Phone Guy) has worked tirelessly to buy (or steal – because ETHICS) every piece of cursed nostalgia from all major locations. Finally he happens upon Springtrap which apparently has an disappearing-reappering rotting corpse inside (or surfer dude is blind). Surprise, surprise, Springtrap is tries to kill the new security guy! Hey, it’s fun!
What’s equally fun is a set of incriminating audio tapes featuring Phone Guy talking about Animatronic death suits and through a series of minigames all taking place in the location of the first game (which as I’ve already explain is highly illogical) the player is informed of the secret rooms and that Purple Freddy Kruger was stupid enough to get himself killed in one, now wants to kill you (for some reason). Anyway, the place winds up burning down because of faulty wiring, though why that didn’t happen with all the wires exposed in the first location (FNAF1) beats me. But yay, franchise done! We know all! Except, not.
Sorry kids, the plot holes have still not been plugged up. But thankfully Scotty has assured us that there is yet another game coming to explain it all. For sure. This time. Can’t really blame him, man’s got bills to pay.
And finally, the simple logic at how the Phone Guy is not the Purple Guy/Killer.
First off, it is HIGHLY, HIGHLY indicated the Phone guy in the first and second games are the same person.
Night 6, FNAF2 phone call:
” Hello? Hello…uh…what on earth are you doing there, uh didn’t you get the memo, uh, the place is closed down, uh, at least for a while. Someone used one of the suits. We had a spare in the back, a yellow one, someone used it…now none of them are acting right. Listen j-just finish your shift it’s safer than trying to leave in the middle of the night. Uh we have one more event scheduled for tomorrow, a birthday. You’ll be on day shift, wear your uniform, stay close to the animatronics, make sure they don’t hurt anyone okay, uh for now just make it through the night, uh when the place eventually opens again I’ll probably take the night shift myself. Okay, good night and good luck.”
Night 1, FNAF1 phone call:
“Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I’m finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact…. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I’ll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.”
This phone call shows that he has also been doing it for a long while, likely right after the events of ’87. It’s also safe to assume that he didn’t serve any jail time.
He also, unlike the killer, has empathy and affection for the animatronics.
“Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too.”
Night 2, FNAF2:
” Uh…heh…I love those old characters. Did you ever see Foxy the pirate?”
He has shown an affection in particular for Foxy, “Like I said, he was always my favorite.”
Not to mention that his tone throughout the second game shows his despair at the events unfolding in 1987. He even gets scared for the player and tries to warn them against any intruders (bad “former employees”). Why would a killer do that? I mean it’s so obvious it isn’t him that killed the kids.
Also bear in mind that through his dialogue the game is hinting at another possibility, “Oh, hey, before I go, uh, I wanted to ease your mind about any rumors you might have heard lately. You know how these local stories come and go and seldom mean anything. I can personally assure you that, whatever is going on out there, and however tragic it may be, has nothing to do with our establishment. It’s just all rumor and speculation… People trying to make a buck. You know… Uh, our guard during the day has reported nothing unusual. And he’s on watch from opening til close.”
Why, that looks like a security guard badge! And there was no indication that Phone Guy was a security guard until AFTER the events of FNAF2! HMMMMMM!
Ooh, looky, a new possible suspect (because Phone Guy never really was).
“Ok, so uh, just to update you, uh, there’s been somewhat of an, uh, investigation going on. Uh, we may end up having to close for a few days… I don’t know. I want to emphasize though that it’s really just a precaution. Uh, Fazbear Entertainment denies any wrongdoing. These things happen sometimes. Um… It’ll all get sorted out in a few days. Just keep an eye on things and I’ll keep you posted.
Uh, just as a side note though, try to avoid eye contact with any of the animatronics tonight if you can. Someone may have tampered with their facial recognition systems – we’re not sure. But the characters have been acting very unusual, almost aggressive towards the staff. They interact with the kids just fine, but when they encounter an adult, they just…stare.”
Again, sharing info with the new night watchman that he doesn’t have to. A killer wouldn’t do that.
“Hello, hello? Hey, good job, night 5! Um, hey, um, keep a close eye on things tonight, ok? Um, from what I understand, the building is on lockdown, uh, no one is allowed in or out, y’know, especially concerning any…previous employees. Um, when we get it all sorted out, we may move you to the day shift, a position just became…available. Uh, we don’t have a replacement for your shift yet, but we’re working on it. Uh, we’re going to try to contact the original restaurant owner. Uh, I think the name of the place was…”Fredbear’s Family Diner” or something like that. It’s been closed for years though, I doubt we’ll be able to track anybody down. Well, just get through one more night! Uh, hang in there! Goodnight!”
Wow! Major hints here. A “position just became available” on day shift. Who worked day shift before? And there was that strong hint about not letting in any previous employees. Which means that Phone Guy suspects that a recently laid off employee may be dangerous. He wouldn’t think that if he was the killer.
Unlike the Foxy speculations in the first game, here it’s practically being spelled out for you.
“Hello? Hello…uh…what on earth are you doing there, uh didn’t you get the memo, uh, the place is closed down, uh, at least for a while. Someone used one of the suits. We had a spare in the back, a yellow one, someone used it…now none of them are acting right. Listen j-just finish your shift it’s safer than trying to leave in the middle of the night. Uh we have one more event scheduled for tomorrow, a birthday. You’ll be on day shift, wear your uniform, stay close to the animatronics, make sure they don’t hurt anyone okay, uh for now just make it through the night, uh when the place eventually opens again I’ll probably take the night shift myself. Okay, good night and good luck.”
Actual concern for another human beings safety. And looky here, another strong hint. “Someone used one of the suits. We had a spare in the back, a yellow one…” HINT HINT HINTY HINT. Again, why would Phone Guy even mention this if he was the killer. Here it’s implied that the killer used either a Golden Freddy suit or Springtrap Bonnie. A day shift security guard could certainly get his hands on one. He has the keys.
It is also implied Phone Guy died recently, in the location of the restaurant of FNAF1, at the hands of the animatronics and stuffed in the storage room (with all the heads), NOT the sealed up room that wasn’t unsealed until after the first restaurant closed.
“Hello, hello? Hey! Hey, wow, day 4. I knew you could do it.
Uh, hey, listen, I may not be around to send you a message tomorrow. *banging sound* It’s-It’s been a bad night here for me. Um, I-I’m kinda glad that I recorded my messages for you *clears throat* uh, when I did.
Uh, hey, do me a favor. *bang bang* Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? *bang bang* I’m gonna to try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won’t be so bad. *bang bang* Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads back there. *chime plays*.
You know…*moan* oh, no – *noises followed by an animatronic screech and static*”
Do those white things look like animatronics to you? And he isn’t holding a phone either when he dies!
Lots of fan boys love to pretend that the above phone call doesn’t exist. Sucks for them, because several things are revealed here. One, the banging is Foxy’s banging. The Chime and moans indicate Freddy and Chica/Bonnie. Which means he is about to get gang-banged by the animatronics, not ghost kiddies. THAT’S A GIANT HINT FOLKS!
Also, he can only be referring to the backstage room when he says “back room”. Remember, the Phone Guy may (or may not) have knowledge of the now sealed rooms, but Mike DOES NOT, nor would know to look for them. If Phone Guy was referring to the sealed rooms to Mike when he said “back room,” Mike would have no idea what he was talking about, and think only about the storage room with the empty heads that the player sees. And remember, he wanted Mike to CHECK!
aka the “back room” with the empty suits and “empty heads”!
And remember, since the sealed room we saw existed in the restaurant in FNAF1 (if we are to buy that twisted logic), and the restaurant was shown in a heavy state of decay, and only featured older animatronics (the four primaries) the events in the minigames (set in that location) could NOT have taken place during the events of ’87. Remember, in FNAF3, Purple Guy dismantled the animatronics in this locale one by one, then later comes back to be confronted by the missing kids’ spirits. At this point the entrance is UNSEALED. Since the restaurant is obviously closed to the public. That meant this time frame could only happen in two instances; either between the events of FNAF2 and FNAF1, and/or after the events of FNAF1 and before the events of FNAF3. Remember, at some point the company sealed off the room, leaving his corpse to rot inside the suit. It is a possibility that this happened before the events of FNAF1, when the company was facing budget issues and heavily downgraded. However, we must also consider the fact that the company was looking to reinvest in the old animatronics. And since the old animatronics were found in the location of FNAF2, it is unlikely the suits were taken to this new location and left to be found dismantled. If you will notice, the suits in the minigames are fully intact. Therefore we must conclude these events take place after the final closing of the franchise. Which would mean that Purple Man was killed after the events of FNAF1, long after Phone Guy died.
Now is that so hard to comprehend? No matter how much the fan boys and immature game theorists want to desperately want to say otherwise, Phone Guy and Purple Man are NOT the same person. Period. No debate, no discussion. Their logic fails.
Frankly, I can’t spell it out any clearer. Just using basic logic here people. Why is it so hard for some to grasp? You won’t believe the circles people will spin just to deny the facts!
Muhahahahaaa!
And that’s it! That’s my lengthy rant. I feel so much better now. Still bitter, of course, but better.
And yes, I actually do like Scott Cawthon and the series. I just did this to tick off the fan boys. Lots of games, even great ones can have plot holes. It just is what it is. In any event, if you have read this far through, you may want to check yourself into a psych ward.
I am sad to announce a real tragedy – Silent Hills is officially no more! I am so angry at Konami and the base in a way I can’t articulate properly at this moment. But let me try.
First, a big F**K YOU to Konami for putting together a brilliant team and then not giving them the needed creative space. Then scrapping it like little f**king b**ches.
Second, the fan base, particularly at Silent Hill Wiki and IGN. I bet they are just ECSTATIC with the news. They don’t care about the series, they just want some boring repetitious game to supplement their pedestrian tastes. Personally, to say that a Japanese director and team are the ONLY ones capable of making a decent horror game feels a bit racist to me. Not to mention the sh**ty voice acting we had to put up with over the years (not to mention the glitching, the repetition, etc). But this fan base, among the most pathetic I have ever encountered, don’t want a well known actor like Norman Reedus to do the voice work, even though he has experience and talent, no, that’s too much for their hipster capabilities. Not to mention they didn’t even know about the legendary Del Toro and his talents, and how he could have been a perfect match for the series. They couldn’t even deal with the fact that an optional FP Mode would have greatly improved the intensity of the game play (immersion). Why, because they are idiots scared of change, even when things look like they can be improved. They want ot feel superior, as if they have all the answers, when clearly they suck at life. So they can go f**k themselves too.
Konami had the chance to really turn the series around! To make it something amazing again. All they had to do was step the f**k back. It’s like Downpour all over again. Some really great ideas, but shoddy game play messed some things up big time. Here we had talented, seasoned professionals to make something great. F**k you Konami!
I mean, just look at P.T.! It was wonderful! It felt fresh, it was challenging, it was spooky. Critics and players absolutely loved it!! It was a taste of wonderful things yet to come!
What we lost:
Guillermo Del Toro – award winning director, brilliant visionary. His resume speaks for itself. We would have had something psychologically dark and potent, with an excellent story. Not to mention some of his creature designs are amazing! But shhh, he’s not Japanese, so don’t tell the pressed base about this!
Norman Reedus – First off, if you haven’t been following The Walking Dead, which made huge leaps in terms of story and character development after the second season (it’s critically acclaimed by the way, on a well respected network known for its innovated story telling and great acting), then you might want to keep your uninformed opinions to yourself (looking at you Wiki losers). Second, he is a good actor, and has voice over experience. He certainly good beat out “faves” such as the sh**ty voice actors that did James, Harry, and Henry.
Hideo Kojima – pretty well liked by the critics and highly respected for his work on Metal Gear Solid. I don’t need to say anything else really.
First Person Point of View – adds to tension and scare factor, and has been used by both indie and big budget horror SUCCESSFULLY for YEARS!
Akira Yamoaka and Misahiro Ito possibly returning to the series (likely due to the rest of the team). If this had happened….
Professionalism (Guillermo Del Toro ALWAYS FREAKING DELIVERS!). A fresh story line. A focus on puzzle solving. Hell, a FOCUS on g****mn story telling!!
I am now done. I am so f**king done. I think I am officially over the franchise, and I f**king hate Konami!
Five Nights At Freddy‘s is a fun little Indie Horror gaming series done in the style of “classics” like Night Trap (minus the cheesy cut-scenes). Taking place in a haunted pizzeria not unlike Chuck E. Cheese, the player is cast in the role of 3rd Shift Security Guard, and must survive six brutal hours, several nights in a row, at his office without the aid of weaponry (or even his own legs). His enemies? An assortment of cutesy animatronics which may or may not harbor the souls of murdered children. The protagonists must track the animatronics through cameras and use a (limited) variety of means to dissuade or hinder the malevolent beings from entering the office and killing the player. Though the plot holes in the game’s story line are many, Five Nights at Freddy’s and it’s follow ups provide an excellent challenge despite its’ simplistic game play and presentation. The game has earned overwhelmingly positive reviews from critics and gamers a like, and at this point there are three games in the series.
The games are all well done, each installment provides a new level of challenges and has its’ own unique flavor while still keeping the feel of the previous version. Each night is more difficult than the last, as more and more characters become “active” or change their roaming patterns. The intrigue of the “mystery” at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria is amplified by the fact that the story is only revealed through audio messages and easter egg imagery. Nothing is laid out in a concrete manner, so the player must replay the game multiple times to get the “full” story. Promo for each game is minimal, and mainly done through imagery and hidden messages. Scott Cawthon, the series creator, seems to rely on the obsessive fan base and YouTube gamers to do all the work for him (smart). Often the game is released as the same day as the demo.
Having played all three games, I can tell you they are worth the hype. So long as you don’t think too deeply into the story, it provides plenty of fun jump scares, challenges and a genuinely spooky atmosphere. And the price is unbeatable! The only real stain in this series is that it seems to have attracted a very rabid following among pre-teens and the intellectually challenged. I’ve encountered my fair share of dumb, snooty, bitter, and obsessive fan boys, but these tykes make the No Mutants Allowed forum frequenters seem like well-adjusted and insanely creative people (hey, at least those hipster jerks make some very cool mods).
Now dumb fan bases wouldn’t be a problem so long as they are avoidable. Unfortunately, the 10 – 13 year olds that make up a huge bulk of the fandom insist on making nuisances of themselves. No longer content on making bad fan fiction (and even more disturbing slash fiction), they insert themselves in every conversation that remotely involves their beloved franchise, not to mention clogging YouTube with their annoying videos and spamming various forums and wiki’s. It becomes a huge issue for any normal player seeks out information on the series. If I am trying to look up helpful strategies to beat the game or get a better ending, the last thing I want to see is fifty YouTube videos with some obnoxious moron screaming and hamming it up while playing the game (in another post I will have to express my extreme dislike for obnoxious mugging idiots on YouTube), nor do I want to see a wiki or forum vandalized with spamming about dumb topics and theories written with appalling grammar and atrocious spelling that makes the whole post barely readable. Not to mention that in an effort to get the hits, sites actually start CATERING to these moronic little toads, meaning moderators neglect doing their jobs filtering out spam and useless information and more useless videos pop up with idiots trying desperately to get subscriptions while spewing misinformation on the series.
Perhaps worst of all, their moronic behavior brings a level of disrespect to the franchise. No one wants to be associated with this trollish nonsense and people begin viewing the series itself as just cheap, trendy teeny-bopper crap, thus tarnishing the legacy of a decent indie game and a hardworking, put-upon programmer.
What needs to stop:
1) Crap spamming on forums and wiki’s! We have all had enough with hundreds of posts STILL debating the already established characters GENDERS in the franchise! It doesn’t even make the SLIGHTEST difference in the storyline!
2) Purple Guy IS NOT Phone Guy, it’s basically been established that purple guy was the previous nightwatchmen in FNAF2 (particularly concerning ESTABLISHED DEATH TIMELINES) so to try to claim the opposite makes that individual look all the more ridiculous! And no, no one cares what some derpy video game “theorist” on YouTube says about it, stop bringing it up!
3) In fact NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE wants to hear any more juvenile fan THEORIES about the game!! Especially when the theories have been POSTED ABOUT and discussed a million times!! We also don’t want to see rambling for six pages or on YouTube! Most of your theories suck, are repeats, and consist mainly whatever you pull out of your butt!
4) THINK BEFORE YOU POST! Especially on wiki’s where information is insanely easy to find. LOOK at the facts PRESENTED, because trying to contort information to come up with a version YOU want and thus clutter a site with false information and ridiculous assumptions is a jerk move that annoys the crap out of thinking individuals!
5) PROOFREAD! No one expects a graduate thesis but it only takes a few seconds to add correct punctuation and change spelling! Make it legible or don’t waste our time.
6) NO MORE PERSON CAM OR REACTION VIDEOS! No one wants to see your ugly, unwashed mug twisting your face into unrealistic expressions and screaming at the audience! And no more commentary if you have nothing to add to the game play!! The only exceptions are for those that are actually entertaining and funny, which excludes 99% of the hardcore fan base.
7) GIVE US AN INFORMATIVE TITLE OF WHAT’S ON YOUR VIDEO! Warn us if you are going to add (stupid) commentary, warn us if you haven’t a CLUE what you are doing during gameplay, warn us if your footage is barely visible or shaky and off focus, and especially warn us if it involves face cam.
8) And finally, if you are under the age of 16, please restrain yourself from posting on forums and message boards, or adding to ANY and ALL wiki’s, video sites. Or until you are mature enough to add something constructive to the conversation and know how to play well with the adults.
I have such a headache.
EDIT: While browsing YouTube I came across a few Honest Trailer’s dedicated to each installment. They were quite funny, as are a great many of their videos, and I encourage you to check them out.
Watching the fan boys spaz out in the comment section is just further proving the point I am making. They don’t seem to grasp the concept of SATIRE, and instead scream and copy each other’s posts to attack Smoosh. Gee, I wonder why there is such a backlash, could it be that the fan base is composed mostly of just a bunch of little brats whose mommies should limit their internet time? Seriously, go outside and throw a ball kiddies.
And no, the story line isn’t that deep, and I am including the “hidden” content material. The entire story of the franchise can be summed up in a few paragraphs, INCLUDING THE BACKSTORY. This isn’t a game based on Lovecraftian or Tolkien lore, or written by Stanley Kubrik. It also has GLARING plot holes. But keep making twenty posts saying otherwise. I guess these jerks think if they say something over and over again that will make it so. Can you imagine if they spent half the amount of energy that they waste on this franchise on school work?
Reality television is terrible, most people would agree to that, yet so many of us watch it as a secret vice. And it’s no less terrible. Unfortunately one of mine is Bravo’s Real Housewives series. I don’t watch every new episode (thankfully because the brain rottage would be phenomenal). I usually record or catch the series on reruns. It’s all trivial nonsense (it takes me back to the awful drama I witnessed and endured in middle and high school), yet I wind up feeling incensed afterward. It’s all so petty and dumb yet I guess, like every viewer, I am addicted to the drama. And since all my friends are well-adjusted, productive people, I have NO ONE to vent my feelings to on the matter.
Except to you, who made the unfortunate choice to click on this post today. I’ll spare you going over the entire series, and focus mainly on my thoughts on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Let’s dive in!
Warning: Rambling, incoherent rants to follow, with a heavy dose of bad grammer mixed in. Some sprinkling of light profanity is to be expected. Proceed with caution.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
This is my favorite one, though I don’t know why because I can not stand half the people on it!
I was about to give up on this one, but thankfully i love the two new additions. Lisa Vanderpump, Lisa Rinna, and Eileen Davidson are the ONLY reason to watch this series. They are fabulous and fun. Lisa V is wonderfully witty (genuinely “snarky”), Lisa Rinna is fun, funny, and so down to earth, and Eileen is sexy and cool, but highly relate-able. Naturally they are friends, REAL friends, and way to good for the rest of the batch.
I have say my Lisa V. love has grown ten fold. She is so forgiving, even to jerks like Kyle, Brandi, and Yolanda, who tried to smear her and her husband all last year. She came out smelling like roses of course. Lisa Rinna is her long time buddy, and the dynamic between the two is wonderful, light, and fun. They can relate and joke with each other without keeping score. That’s genuine friendship. It was also so endearing watching Lisa’s scenes with her adoptive son Max, and her real concerns that arise from such a dynamic. The scenes where Max wished to discover his heritage and her fears that he may decide to leave her to seek out his biological parents rang true. Max and Pandora showing their genuine love for each other and for Lisa were moments that actually tugged on my stone heart strings. Compare that to the over dramatic nonsense with Kyle whining and crying about her spoiled kids going to college (it’s always ALL ABOUT KYLE), the audience is reminded why Lisa is the fan favorite. Because she is real. She is a kind, loving person at her core who believes in raising her children to respect hard work, yet would never deny them the things they need. Her kids are well rounded, respectfully, obviously loved and love her and Ken back. Likewise for all her ribbing of Ken, they share some sweet moments together, where as Kyle is too busy bragging about how hot and successful her husband is (Yolanda too), but I will get to that soon enough.
By the way, Lisa R. and Eileen seem to have wonderful marriages and families too. Eileen has been open about her experiences as a step mom, but she seems to have bonded well with her step son (again contrast that with Kyle and Yolanda’s crying fits). She brings a whole level of maturity and calmness I’ve not seen before in any franchise, (something Yolanda thinks she does). Like the Lisas’ though she will often joke self-depreciantly about the pitfalls of being in the entertainment industry (and they will be ACTUAL jokes).
Lisa Rinna is my second favorite. She is so bubbly and fun, but honest too. While Eileen is what Yolanda thinks she is, Lisa R. is what Brandi tries to portray herself as (and FAILS miserably).
Now let’s move on to the three witches of this show.
Yolanda can lose me with her Miss Saint edit. Kumbaya? Peace and Love? Please. I’m not an idiot. Her first season in, which was JUST LAST SEASON, we watched her be passive aggressive to all the women, but especially long time friend Lisa V., whom she was more than willing to gang up on that whole season (she was also pretty snotty to Joyce at the reunion). So she doesn’t want “fake Hollywood friends”? What does she think Kyle Richards and Brandi G. are?
Yolanda just hired a really good PR agency to spin her BS. I remember her awful accusations against Lisa’s husband Ken at the season finale. All he did was try to defend his wife from Yo and Co’s malicious slandering. We saw ON FILM he did nothing wrong, yet she accused him of physical abuse RIGHT ON CAMERA, causing a SCENE at a party where all their friends and a camera crew were attending! Then she has the AUDACITY to “Forgive” Lisa for her “transgressions” on this seasons premiere! What transgressions? Because she didn’t attend her stupid self-important painting party for her daughter? AND NO APOLOGY for lying on camera about Ken and Lisa, despite there being NO PROOF WHAT-SO-EVER that Lisa was selling stories to the tabloids!
In my opinion, she is jealous of Lisa V. Why? Because Lisa V.’s husband values her as more than just a trophy Stepford wife. I’ve yet to see proof Yo’s husband David does the same.
Speaking of which, David Foster can miss me too. He is talented, sure, but no one outside of Hollywood would recognize his name, so his self-important attitude is quite laughable. He is as fake as Yo.
Yolanda is considered a member of the Hollywood Elite, so she thinks this entitles her to be the “mother hen” of the batch and it’s her primary calling to lecture and “scold” everyone. Please. Yolanda is former farmer’s daughter turned model, and she had a lot of success in high fashion before marrying one rich old man after another. She was able to live an uber glamorous life style with zero talent (and probably little real hustle) and has therefore been able transformed herself into the perfect Stepford wife. Since Husband Number XX is the renowned and highly talented David Foster, she is under the mistaken belief that his talents are HERS as well. No, sweetie.
You know, I could get on board with her having the good fortune to be genetically blessed, as well as lucky enough to be spotted at the right place at the right time to be signed on as a model, then have the further luck of being liked by all the right, hip photographers and designers of the time, even though I would be very interested to know if she had to deal with certain…indescretions…other models have had to endure just to stay on the A-lists, ahem ; but for her to expect me to buy that she is some sort of naturally born domestic goddess/perfect polly princess with the greatest marriage EVER, and she is JUST the epitome of taste and elegance and EVERYONE should want to be her friend because she is just the FABULOUS YOLANDA FOSTER who DOES. NOT. have FAKE HOLLYWOOD FRIENDS then you are insulting my intelligence, badly.
Face it, Yolanda is only sucked up to because she is Yolanda FOSTER, she is able to live a fabulous lifestyle because she married very well. She has all the time and domestic staff to mold and train herself into becoming the perfect housewife/trophy wife. I don’t buy for one SECOND that her “love” would be happy with her being any other way. She obsesses over her weight/appearance, her home, what her daughters can eat to stay model thin, etc. She works WAY to hard to impress her husband and have everything JUST “SO” for me to buy that their relationship is one of mutual respect or equality. Now contrast that to Lisa V. and Ken. Lisa detractors try desperately to compare him to door mat Greg Leakes, but Ken is self made and very loving/affectionate/protective of Lisa V. An extremely successful man on his own, he was a confirmed bachelor when he met Lisa. After marriage instead of EXPECTING her to play the role of a domesticated “good wife” (a la MS FOSTER), he taught her the business and now they work as a TEAM. And Ken would rush to be at Lisa’s side at the hospital. Again, I think that is one of the reasons Yoyo is so pressed at Lisa, it’s because Yo knows she is bought and paid for, unlike Lisa.
Like I said, Yo isn’t talented, special, or even interesting. She can stop looking her nose down at everyone, since she doesn’t have a SINGLE accomplishment she can call her own without the aid of some rich man.
Now on to Kyle. Vile Kyle. Miss Drama Queen Extrodinaire. An out of work bad actress/former child star who OBSESSES over every little thing and has to make EVERYTHING be about her. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Not to mention what a terrible friend she is.
She is infamous for doing splits on tables at parties to get attention (she’s how old??). She is infamous for screaming and storming out of restaurants. She will spread lies and bring up issues for camera time and an audience. In fact, not to long ago she spent an entire party running around the room after a big fight to tell EVERYONE what just happened. She was the freaking host. I guess you could say she “Heather Dubrow-ed.”
She is such a horrid actress you can always tell when she is faking or “on”, which is sadly about 80% of the time.
She instigated drama against Lisa V., a long time friend and companion, for attention and jealousy. Like Yo, she was so EAGER to believe the worst of her, and would NOT DROP THE ISSUE. Yet it was all Lisa’s fault? All last year she and Brandi, the woman she bullied RELENTLESSLY for a full season even going so far to hide her crutches at a party (WHAT GROWN WOMAN WITH KIDS DOES THAT??) tried to run a huge smear campaign on Lisa V. Now that Brandi has turned on her and is doing the same, Kyle is whining and crying like this isn’t a heaping dose of KARMA!
Brandi is the same woman whom, the very first season she was on, Kyle imidiantly went on the defensive and started to attack (with ZERO provocation). Two episodes in and Kyle was embaressing her kid in front of other kids and on television, making fun of Brandi for BEING ON CRUTCHES, only to later HIDE her crutches at a party that she and her imbecilic sister WERE MOCKING HER at. Brandi, seasons later wound up revealing herself to be just as vile, but at that point the ONLY PERSON who was trying to be her friend was Lisa. Brandi would of course later throw Lisa under the bus, just like Kyle, and I am still waiting hear any evidence that Lisa was a “master manipulator” who “leaked to the press” information about anyone on the show. Lisa, who has more money than those two combined, who lives quite comfortably and is actually busy and happy with her lot on life. Sorry, no.
Brandi turned on Kyle because Kyle deserves it. Kyle is a talentless shlog who is obsessed with being famous and material possessions. Kyle uses people, makes horrible accusations, tells lies, and accesses people based on how useful they are to her (exhibiting all the traits she tried to project on Lisa V.). Brandi is now giving her a taste of her own medicine, and I couldn’t be happier.
Brandi is essentially the Tamra Barney of the crew. She is crass, stupid, constantly wasted, vicious, nasty, and a total trashy slob. She uses and manipulates people with the best of them, then will turn on them. The only difference between her and Kyle is that Kyle is a whiney braggart with some actual money and a put-together family; Kyle’s also usually sober. Brandi did Kyle’s dirty work for her last season, and now has moved on to Kim and is airing out all of precious Kyle’s laundry. Serve’s her right.
However I have to laugh when Brandi runs around making ageist remarks about the other women. Brandi is only a few years younger than Kyle, who is herself only a few years younger than Brandi’s current bestie Kim Richards. So every time she insults one of those “Menopausal Mommas” she is actually attacking her “dear” friend Kimmie. Plus, as Kyle (or maybe it was Lisa) said at the reunion, it’s better to go through menopause than have your cootchie and tampon string exposed to the whole world.
As for Kyle’s sister Kim, I won’t touch that, but it speaks to Bravo’s scruples that they still allow her on the show (guess Kyle wouldn’t have a storyline otherwise).
Real Housewives of Orange County
Truthfully I have given up on the series. It was bad enough with racists and drunken trash like Tamra Barney and Vicki Gunderson, but add the self important Heather and Terry Dubrow into the mix and I am out for good.
Mean girl Heather who constantly tries to act like she is so much more educated, cultured, and classier than the other women, is such an insufferable phoney and BAD ACTRESS I can’t deal anymore. Heather, with her overly botoxed, Joker face, can take her Word-Of-The-Day calender and shove it, especially since she doesn’t know the difference between a thesaurus and a dictionary. I pretty sure classy individuals don’t brag about being rude to waiters, or yack endlessly about how big their mini-mansions are, or how many famous people they “know,” or act nasty and spread lies about coworkers. And Terry, it’s HIGHLY unprofessional to give unsolicited “medical” analysis of people you don’t like. Grow up. You’re over 50 and it isn’t cute. And what a perfect family they have, Terry shows ZERO interests in his kids (I think he even called his very young school aged daughter a “slut.”) KLASSY!
By the way, Terry looks down on blue collar workers. Is anyone surprised? Until the insufferable Dubrows are gone I won’t be watching.
And Heather, sweetie, you were never a big deal as an actress. Having kids and changing your name had ZERO effect on your “career.” You were never going to be the next Julia Roberts. Daddy could only buy your way in so far. Like Kyle Richards, you bring the HAM on board for every performance and you are not cute. You moved to Orange County because there are tons of (better) plastic surgeons in L.A., Beverly Hills, and Hollywood. Only in Orange County are you and your husband special snowflakes. You are a bore. Good bye.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
The ratings for this show is so high, and I have no idea why. Well, maybe one. Her name is Kenya Moore and while her delusions are on a painfully high scale she can be quite entertaining in a weird, train wreck sort of way. And thank god we have Claudia Jordan to throw some decent shade back at the insufferable ME-ME Leakes.
ME-ME is the only one I can’t stand. Between her crass, bully girl behavior, obnoxious donkey braying and grotesque, over-the-top faces that she must make in EVERY SINGLE TALKING HEAD I can’t find a redeemable trait in her! She’s not even a hustler, we’ve seen on tv her agency doing all the work for her. And what does she bring to the table? She isn’t funny, or interesting. She has no taste (just a label slob). She has no charisma, wit, or class. She’s super hypocritical, pressed, and loud. Not to mention all the times she’s shown racial, homophobic, and sexist tendancies. Calling Claudia a “half breed?” Really?? And how did this heifer get a role on Broadway when legit actors struggle? It isn’t from any line readings I can tell you that!
I think I’m ready to stop watching that one too. Heck, I shouldn’t be watching any of this crap in the first place! And how awful are those reunions and Watch What HappensLive? WWHL is just Andy mugging and preening to the camera, while the reunions have been reduced to just a bunch of screaming harpies with Andy pausing to cock his head to the side and make cutesy faces. Andy is an incompetent host. Can’t stand him.
Well, that’s really all I have to say. If you have managed to read this far, congratulations! You deserve a beer (or several) from the finest brewery! Or maybe a cookie. Your choice!
The sharks featured in Jaws and the sequels are not officially named “Jaws.” That is a fan moniker. Also, it is a different shark in every movie. You wouldn’t believe how many idiots think otherwise.
Also, the first sequel wasn’t half bad. The director had to follow Spielberg. Tough break, but he did well considering. Jaws 2 also wasn’t any more unrealistic than Jaws. It’s basically what Jaws would have been if Spielberg could have made the mechanical shark function properly. The suspense in the first film was largely due to technical problems.
Same for Ghostbusters 2. While it is nowhere near the level of the first, it’s a decent (if unnecessary) follow up, with some really enjoyable scenes. Suck it, hipsters.
Westworld is an underrated classic and the inspiration for Jurassic Park. Science Fiction films in the 70’s and 80’s are the absolute best because, largely unlike science fiction in the 50’s and 60’s, they weren’t involved with space exploration, but instead man versus machine. Watching man create the perfect version of himself or the perfect slave, only to have it turn on him. Or dealt with post apocalyptic wastelands (man made, as is it’s nature). Overall, much more entertaining then watching a funny dressed, smug “space pilot” battle a ridiculous looking alien with an obvious backdrop. All science fiction films I have seen of the 50’s and 60’s are absolutely ridiculous, in both presentation and script. However, most science fiction films in the 70’s and 80’s I have seen that dealt with similar topics, hold up quite well. In conclusion, science fiction films in the 50’s and 60’s were cheesy and hastly made, which in turn failed to add respectability to the genre. Why it’s deemed the Golden Age of Science Fiction I have no idea.
Because it can’t be said enough, John Carpenter’s The Fog, Halloween, and The Thing still holds up extremely well. Also, check out his fun satire pieces, They Live and Escape From New York/L.A.
POP CULTURE
Katy Perry’s half time show at the Superbowl was pretty bad. One can have a family friendly show without resorting to childish exploits. To get rid of that stink, we need a decent rock act or perhaps Missy to headline the next.
I do find it hilarious that she is now suing people over the Left Shark meme. Her performance was so embarrassingly forgettable that a badly dancing shark mascot managed to upstage her. She’s so butt hurt that NO ONE remembers her performance so she is sticking her lawyers on everyone. What next, Katy? Are you going to sue Missy for being the real star of the show? I’ve lost so much respect for her.
Speaking of being performances, I thought the Grammy’s were decent this year. Of course little twinks are in an uproar because the amazing Beck won Album of the Year over 20 time Grammy Winner Beyoncé. Beck’s album was quite good (better than Beyoncé) and he is an actual artist. People try to argue that just because Beyoncé has many producers and writers, that shouldn’t disqualify her album to the committee. What they fail to realize is that the more producers and writers one has on an album, the less that album is about the so-called artist anymore. Beyoncé doesn’t write her stuff, she outsources big talent to do all that for her. As far as I am concerned, very little of her music even has anything at all to do about her. You could take that same team, put them on someone elses’ album, and have the exact same impact, because Beyoncé is incredibly overrated as an entertainer. But there is only one Beck.
Also, Kanye needs to learn to keep his idiotic mouth shut.
Also, SNL needs to quit ripping off Key and Peele. SNL still features a lot of talent, but they haven’t been truly funny since the 80’s and 90’s.
Shows you should Netflix: The Bates Motel, Sherlock, Archer, Boardwalk Empire, Better Call Saul, and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
All aboard the Satellite of Love!
MUSIC
Lana Del Rey’s Ultraviolence is one of the best pop albums I have heard in a long time. And yes, it’s better than Beyoncé. So why it wasn’t at least nominated confuses me.
GAMING
Grand Theft Auto V is being milked like crazy! But that’s cool, since I love the game! However, I will wait until the Greatest Hits/Ultimate Edition to come out for the PS4 before I buy a single DLC, because there is no point wasting all that money. By the time I get out of school, get my first novel completed (finally), etc, time will have flown and it will have been released, ready and waiting. I never waste money on independent DLC’s. I keep busy, so when the complete edition is out, I can buy it for little more than the cost of a new game and enjoy it on a free weekend, without having spent almost $200 on the game AND 4 or 5 DLC’s (at about $20 a pack, it adds up quickly). For Fallout: New Vegas, I waited until the Ultimate Edition came out. That was all 4 major storyline DLC’s and four “stuff” packs, and I paid roughly what I would have paid for a new game, minus any DLC’s ($50-$65). I love Rockstar Games, but I am not about to shell out a small fortune for extra’s when the money can be used for more important stuff. I’m not some rich kid living in Mommy’s basement. I have priorities.
With that said, Rockstar, I am going to need something to spend my in-game money on beside properties (that I have to keep up) and vehicles (especially since I can only keep FOUR vehicles in a garage – seriously?).
By the way, if you find yourself restarting the game (as I have had to do since I am trying for 100% completion), invest your funds at the start of the game in Merryweather and LifeInvader stocks, then cash out before you do those missions. No money? No problem! There is a sunken submersible easily found off the coast of Los Santos that continuously spawns $25,000. You just have to dive underwater to get it!
Also, Rockstar, I’m still waiting for a special edition, re-release of Manhunt. Get to it already!
So most people would be living under a rock not to know of or at least heard of Iggy Azalea. Her song, “Fancy,” featuring rising Brit pop star Charli XCX, blew up the charts with it’s catchy hook and was everywhere, from commercials to SNL, no thanks in small part to it’s equally memorable Clueless themed video. Likewise, her second single off her debut album, “Black Widow,” featuring the Rihanna-esque Rita Ora, was also well received with it’s Kill Bill inspired video. Listening to both singles, or her debut The New Classic, it’s easy to see how she would find success. Her songs are certifiable bops with mainstream appeal and feature colorful, sexy videos. Iggy herself is a gorgeous Blonde with curvacious features and pouting lips who, unsurprisingly, has done some modelling. Her music, referred to as “Hip-Pop” by the general public, is easily digestible to the masses with it’s fun dance-beats and lyrics penned by the likes of Katy Perry.
Less well known is Harlem rapper Azealia Banks (also known under the moniker of “Miss Bank$”). Whereas Iggy Azalea has found success commercially, Azealia Banks is a critically acclaimed Indie rapper. Her debut studio album (just recently released) was four years in the making, however she had been releasing free mixtapes and touring since 2011. Her recent effort, Broke with Expensive Taste, is a testiment to her diverse tastes, and is a far cry from the commercial ready sounds featured in Iggy’s music. Her videos too are eclectic and in some cases, down right eccentric, and stand out in a sea of flashy, booty-heavy, bass thick vids found on VH1 and BET. Many find her refreshing in sound and style, but she is yet to become a household name.
It’s obvious Banks and Iggy are two completely different types of rappers with different backgrounds with the only glaring similarities being their names. However it is more than their shared name that ties them together. Both have said things that have brought them in the middle of controversies, but as controversy isn’t unheard of in the music industry, particularly in the rap game, this shouldn’t be a big deal. However their feuding online has sharpely divided some in the industry (with Banks receiving overwhelming support from most in the hip hop community) and considering the subject matter and timing (Ferguson), important questions are being asked about racial appropriation in the music industry.
To give some background into this matter, one must know a little about Iggy Azalea and the controversy surrounding her. Iggy is Australian born, and immigrated to the States when she was sixteen to pursue a career in entertainment. She was a high school dropout who was frequently teased because her family had little money. Alledgedly, her love of hip hop motivated her to work until she could save enough money to move to Miami to pursue her dreams. She found success in here, first going viral on youtube and then being signed on to the famous Wilhemina modelling agency, where she became a face of Levi Jeans. Under the guidence of famed rapper T.I., she eventually signed on to Def Jam where The New Classic found completion. Prior to her debut, she also released mixtapes and internet videos, building a sizeable fan community. Since The New Classic, Iggy has been nominated for numerous music awards, including no less than six nominations for the American Music Awards (she won two for Favorite Rap Artist and Favorite Rap Album) and eventually won a Grammy. However, Iggy has not been without her detractors. Tweets from a few years back depict a…less than PC Iggy in which she tweets comments that isn’t as racially/culturally sensitive as some might like. Tweets like this:
Then there were the lyrics to “D.R.U.G.S.”, and the infamous “runaway slave…master” line:
But perhaps the most obvious criticism thrown her way is the style in which she raps. When interviewed, Iggy speaks with her natural Australian accent, however when she raps she uses a very Southern American accent that many claim is the vocal version of “black face.” It is not a natural accent but one she has adopted for her rapping style, which she (and her fans) claim is used because it sounds better than her Aussie accent would sound. Regardless, this accent, along with her reluctance to speak on racial issues (such as the recent Ferguson controvesy) instead opting to talk about her album and tours, has many crying foul.
Not the least which is Banks, who is perhaps her most vocal detractor.
Azealia grew up with a hard luck story too. Coming up in a working class environment, she lost her father at a very young age and she faced horrible physical abuse at the hands of her mother, causing her to flee home at the age of fourteen to live with her older sister. She worked hard and attended the LaGuardia High School of Performing Arts, before trying her hand at acting, finding little success. She did however, discover her talent at the hip hop game, and began using rap as a creative outlet before dropping out of school to pursue it as a career. She hit a slump period, taking odd jobs and even trying her hand at stripping to make ends meet until her release of “212” achieved a following in Europe. Credited with writing her own lyrics, she is known for her savvy (though often profanity laced)nlyrics and unique club bangers that often feature a mix of house-rap, 90’s R&B, trap, and punk. She has since garnered enough of a following to keep her continually touring at such events as Coachella and overseas. Though she had released successful remixes and a hit mixtape, Fantasea, conflicts with various labels delayed the release of her debut for many years. Finally released, Broke with Expensive Taste was well received by critics, and peaked at #30 on the U.S. Billboard 200, and #2 on Billboard’s Top U.S. Rap Albums.
However, what probably stopped Banks from become a household name despite impressive talents may have had nothing to do with her eclectic style, but her own behavior. Like Iggy, Azealia sported much racial controversy with her own tweets and interviews, such as:
She’s also attacked many notable names in the industry online and in interviews, such as Pharrell, Lil Kim, Nicki Minaj, Lily Allen, Eminem, Diplo, and Lady Gaga (often unprovoked), derailing attempts at future collaborations. She has also attacked organizations like GLAAD. It should be noted that Banks identifies herself as bisexual and has a huge fandom within the LGBT community.
Her biggest beef however seems to be with Iggy Azalea, going so far as to threaten to throw a jar of her pee on Iggy. So why is she so angry at Iggy? She seems to see Iggy as the mascot for Cultural Appropriation, particlularly black appropriation (even going as far as to accuse her of being a minstrel act) .
Here’s an excellent interview showing Banks feelings on the matter:
Prior to this interview, notable urban media sources such as Bossip and Complex have discussed the feud, and many were quick to attack Banks as being jealous or “pressed,” or possibly riding Iggy’s fame to promote her own upcoming album. However, the tide seemed to turn with her interview at Hot 97, in which at one point she became visibly emotional. Since then, her claims of appropriation have been given more validity and many rappers such as Q-Tip and Minaj have come out in support. Discussions have spilled out into other major (more mainstream) magazines and other online sources, such as Billboard, Rolling Stone, and Vanity Fair.
But Iggy supporters are crying foul. After the interview, Iggy is experiencing a huge backlash that involve threats of releasing explicit (sexual) material online, death threats, and hacked acounts. While it’s doubtful Iggy intentionally intended on stealing anyone’s culture, it seems that she has become the scapegoat for the matter. Iggy’s own responses to the criticisms of Banks and others on this issue don’t seem to have helped her situation, as instead of addressing the issue full on, as did Eminem and Macklemore when they faced similar criticisms, she has chosen instead to promote her upcoming tour and the re-release of her debut. This has caused many of her detractors to claim deliberate ignorance on her part.
So the question is, IS Iggy guilty of cultural appropriation? That I can’t answer, though I enjoy reading the various debates on the topic. With racial tensions on the rise, it certainly is a topic worth looking at. It’s known that music of a traditionally African American origin, such as Jazz, Soul, Rock, and Rap, were mostly shunned until they enjoyed mainstream success thanks to the acceptance of white artists in the field (such as Elvis, Tony Bennett/Frank Sinatre, Adele, The Beatles, etc). As such, many like Banks feel that the black artists that pioneered the style are being forgotten, and it’s a sad, yet legitimate concern shared by many. However, others argue that by all races participating in a musical genre leads to the type of mass acceptance that will allow the style to progress and become non-racial (which seems to be what many Iggy supporters claim). It’s an interesting debate at least.
In the case of Iggy Azalea, I can see where she could have genuine ignorance which may be mistaken as indifference. Keep in mind, Azealia grew up in Harlem and is engrossed in the culture of hip hop, she has lived in that world and thus gained the experiences that Iggy couldn’t in her homeland, and while that’s not Iggy’s fault, many (like Banks) feel that she should have educated herself in the conflicts of being a part of American hip hop. Fairly uneducated, Iggy immigrated from another culture at a young age and instead of being assimilated fully, I could see her being taken advantage of as a highly marketable product, perhaps in the way Banks criticised the industry of trying to do to her. Iggy’s mentors, such as T.I., may see her with dollar signs only, and not wanting to lose their golden goose, may be feeding into her misconception that her detractors hate her for her race and success in the most superficial way, which causes her to fail to see the real arguments being made. It certainly doesn’t help that prior to the interview, Banks and allies have made several personal attacks against Iggy, possibly leaving Iggy to conclude that anything said toward her is just an excuse to rag on her. In any event, Banks taking it to a personal, aggressive level with Iggy has caused Iggy supporters to dismiss Banks’ concerns as just self promotion and her claims fall on deaf ears.
Or maybe Banks and her supporters are right, and Iggy, and others like her, doesn’t care to be a puppet as long as she is famous and rich. Maybe Iggy is a racist bigot airhead and T.I. is a puppet master sellout, and therefore they both deserve to be symbols of cultural appropriation. Regardless, I find the underlying current of the issue, cultural appropriation, to be an interesting topic. I imagine Banks will speak more of this issue in the future, as will other prominent figures in the industry. This seems to be a conversation worth happening.
As some of you may already know, Project Vaulderie was tragically cancelled. There is a small chance that the leader of the project can work something out, but I haven’t much hope. As my sister was involved in the project, I won’t say much, other than it seems apparent to me that CCP Publishing would rather shoot themselves in the foot rather than keep the fans happy.Their greed will be their downfall, as this project would have made them money (no out of pocket expenses for them and you had to own the original game to play – win win) and helped revive a failing franchise. I can’t get over their hypocrisy and miserly ways, and frankly, I am done. And I think quite a few other (former) fans feel the same.
Here’s what we lost:
– multiplayer
– enhanced graphics
– smoother engine/gameplay
– more quests
– more customization features for your character
– expanded (and possibly some new) maps
– more havens and venues
– possibly new clans
– possibly different disciplines
*sigh*the game that could have been.
EDIT: Apparently, this issue caught the attention of a few online media outlets. A lot of fans are making the rounds showing their outrage and vocal support of the project. Here’s a few articles I came across: